I have never been a snoozer. Growing up I can remember my mom snoozing once or twice but never what I’m experiencing now. My roomy snoozes for an hour…. or more. I on the other hand hears the alarm and then I’m up … that’s it. no ugh and throwing my phone, no grunts and rolls over. I’m awake. It happens every Wednesday and Friday, her alarm goes off an hour and a half before mine and I lay there and steam… once I mentioned that it practically drove me insane but honestly there isn’t anything any of us can do about it. sooo This morning I popped out of bed way to early and got some things done. Now I’m sitting here laughing at my roomy who is running around the flat because she slept late… Amazing what an attitude adjustment does 😀
As some of you know Lady Antebellum is going on tour with Keith Urban. They just happen to be coming to Sydney April 14. I really can’t afford to go. Its just crazy to blow that kind of money on a concert. Well due to health junk I have got to loose weight… like now… sooooo Today is day one of the weight-loss challenge… 10lbs in 1 month =1 ticket to the concert. I’m so thankful to have people in my life who support me in this! God has placed an angel across the hall. Her name is Kourtney shes 24, from Alabama and ….. is a fitness trainer. She also has the ability to get my butt in the gym and then we laugh so much I don’t realize its been an hour and I’m sweating… until the next morning when I can’t move….. Anyways I’ll keep you updated 🙂
I have never been one to journal. I’m just not good at it. I’m not a good writer and it’s super hard for me to get what is on my mind down to paper.
We have to keep a journal this semester! HAVE TO ……. Like for a grade. I wasn’t a happy camper when I saw this. We have an assessment in which we write about 3 areas….
Prayer Journaling Bible reading
In class we have to start working on some areas such as core values, a mission statement, time management and scheduling, goal setting, budgeting and giving, emotional, relational, and last but not least psyical leadership. All of which don’t come easy for me so I’m sure I’ll be journaling/blogging all about it!
As much as I dread this class I’m excited. Things haven’t been to smooth this week ….. My friend told me tonight to step up my game and I instantly said I don’t know how! Then I started to think about this class/assessment/ journaling thing, maybe it won’t be so bad afterall!
So I woke up early and couldn’t sleep so I decided to go work on my “couch to 5k” in the park. I was doing good until about the 4th time to run……
Then I felt it…. the horrible pain ive felt a few times before and new something was wrong. If any of you have ever had a cyst rupture you know it feels like someone set a bomb off then lit your Baby Maker on fire. Well after all the drama my baby maker and I went through last semester I was no a happy camper. After I got up off the bench I collapsed on I STOMPED home. I was so mad.
I ‘m Sick of this
I’m going to miss class
I can’t afford the dr
Why am I even in this strupid country
why can’t we just take it out? Lord what is is deal?
So then I crawled back in bed to wait it out. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone and I had a few hours until the dr’s office opened. I just laid there and prayed.
The dr confirmed what I already knew had happened. A ruptured cyst… maybe if they keep blowing up they would disappear but sadly it doesn’t work that way!
The best part of the whole day was when he said….
“a woman your size shouldn’t be trying to run anyways!
I laughed out-loud…. I’ve been saying that for weeks
I’ve got some medicine and orders to take it easy, wait and see.
So I figured while I’d blog before I zonk out for a few hours, then mosey to class.
I WANT this semester to be different. I told someone the other day I don’t want the word “uterus” to be in my vocabulary for a good 6 months. The other day in class I had to share a little but about what is going on with some new people and it got me thinking about how much I’ve grown through out this baby maker drama.
God has just completely turned my world upside down and honestly as much as I complain, moan, cry, yell, and whine about it all I know that at the end of the day I’m going to be a new person and that is totally worth it. So all in all I’m fine 🙂
I’ve grown up with the concept of missing my Dad. Its just what life dealt me. I lived in Texas, He lives in Georgia. It seems so normal to me, to alot of kids my age actually. Divorce is just something we’ve all learned to deal with… anyways not what I’m blogging about. Missing my Dad, Morgan, and Will while I’m in Australia is a little different than me missing snyder folks or my other family because I’m just plain used to it, which I think makes it hurt worse. In high school and after I’d call him and say I hate boys or I’m in love with so and so, or I had my first kiss, I just castrated an animal be excited, I’m at a rodeo ect… you know normal father daughter junk 🙂 Some of you’re first and only memories of my Daddy was him yelling at my first kiss 😀
Anyways I was flipping through facebook today and saw a picture of my Aunt Cathy (posted below) I also saw a nice looking man in the back ground, I was like self ” thats a nice looking cowboy in the background, looks like aunt Cathy is hanging around with great people”. Only to zoom in and realize it was my DADDY!
Now don’t say ew or whatever it wasn’t even like that. I didn’t know he was at the same rodeo…. I’m a little slow. Anyways I just started crying. One thing I always hated about my “daddy homesickness” was that it hits at super crazy times and I just can’t control it. Most of the time its a song, but the smell of horse pooop gets it going everytime….. anyways I then started laughing at my self cause I’m a 24 yr old woman, living in Sydney, with tears running down her face at church ( yes I was on fb at church… another blog for another time) because I wanted to be at a rodeo with my daddy trying to fit in with my cute boots, pearl snap, Big Texas hair, looking for a cowboy to break my heart :)I wanted to be in the company of country folk….. not in CITY land where all the men no matter what size they are wear skinny jeans… I wanted wranglers. I wanted 100% funk in the big truck with my brother and sister giggling in the back seat. I wanted “walking after midnight” on the porch, I wanted cowboy eggs, and to hear dad gripe about how much I love krystal gut bombs. I wanted to complain about the tree’s and not being able to see the sky, I wanted the smell of my memaws cooking and for someone to understand that Biscuits ARE NOT SCONES. I wanted for someone to call me Sayrah and not know it.
So God and I did what we always do when I get homesick. We cry it out and move on. I texted my dad and told him I loved and missed him and then went right back to paying attention to the sermon 🙂 I say all this because I just don’t know how to tell people about this side of me. We joke all the time about my southerness and my friends here think its neato that my daddy rodeos but you just can’t explain that this homesickness is different because its been going on all your life. You can’t explain how you techinally don’t miss them more than other but do all at the same time. My friends and family at home understood. all I had to say is I miss my dad or Georgia is on my mind.
so now you know what I really mean when I say Georgia is on my mind!
Dad surprised me on my 16th birthday! I had a stock show that weekend!
Will, Morgan, and my Daddy!
This is my aunt Cathy. Her laughter can brighten anyone’s day and make a whole room smile ( personally I think we both laugh like my daddy) She is a true Angel! I don’t know who the man in the tan is, but the man who thinks hes hot stuff in brown in the background is my daddy. Unfortunately or Fortunately for me, I look and act just like him! sometime ask my mom or gma about Me/him in my TuTu….. well they called it a 4X4 🙂
So I made dinner for myself and the boys tonight! yay food, so I was doing the dishes and the sink stopped up. I did what any girl would do! Ignore the boys pleas of calling maintenance in the morning and decided to man up and do it myself! Also might I add that I was in my church clothes and my hair looked gooooood!
I set my alarm for 2:00 am last night so I could wake up and be in prayer with my friends Courtney and Ben as they went to the fertility specialist. Courtney has been by my side with the baby maker issues and has dealt with her fair share of them.
So I then went back to sleep only to wake up with a killer migraine so I missed alot but woke up to this on twitter and fb.
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”
“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply. “Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.
“My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign, Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.
“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry: I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again, “Wait.” So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me. You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint. You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.
“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair; You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there. You’d not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see.
“You’d never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
“The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.
“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”
Do you ever feel like your just wondering around? Lately I’ve felt like that. I don’t know where I belong, where I fit in, who to trust, who not to trust, what I’m doing? Stay here? Second year? Job?
I went for a walk today (yay Excersize) and ended up at the hill over looking sydney!
I could help but think of the lyrics in a new song aftermath by hillsong united!
I know your with me I know your with me here I know your live will light they way
We sang this over and over again the other night and somewhere in the middle of worship I realized I’d forgotten that he’s with me. I mean I know he’s with me but deep down i have felt like I’m walking this road alone now! Maybe it’s all that I’m going through personally so who knows…. Anyways I love that we serve a God who never leaves us alone! I’m just taking it one day at a time trying to stay on the path God has for me 🙂
When I started today I didn’t think I’d be blogging about this topic at the end of it. It kinda saddens me that I’m not itching to tell everyone everything I learned today ( a ton)!!! I don’t know if I owe it to anyone or if anyone really cares but blogging is helping me process what I’m going through here.
So in light of recent events I feel like I need to defend myself! One small comment left me in tears for 30 mins tonight and robbed me of awesome worship granted God was dealing with me in His own way but I hate it when I can’t “worship” during worship.
It says in the Hillsong College Handbook that first years can’t date. I’m pretty sure I blogged about this or a least have talked about it before when I first got here how relieving it was for me to have a whole year with just God and not even think about marriage and kiddos and DATING. Somewhere in all of my Woman Health Drama my mind apparently changed last semester and God allowed more of those dreams to come back in to play more so lately but thats not the point……
I can’t date anyone until July so it doesn’t matter who I spend my time with at this point because im not dating them. Now it seems ironic that I’m defending my actions/lack of actions all the while reading “Emotional Purity” which is all about setting boundaries in your friendships with boys ect….
I try to treat all the people I’m around as my brothers and sisters in Christ. I can’t help it if I get along with some more than others or if we have more in common. That doesn’t technically mean that we are perfect for each other. I spent so much energy last semester on defending my friendships and my actions and I was so looking forward to not doing it this semester… but no its worse now.
I never knew it would be this hard or that I would struggle so much but I’m about ready to throw in the towel on numerous friendships so that I can have a break from the drama and the unnecessary junk. Lets think bigger picture people! Why did Jesus die on the cross for us? not so we can wonder who loves who or whose going to be/ not be dating in 6 months. As a friend said last night we all have bigger fish to fry.
My heart is all sorts of jumbled and messed up and God is working hard on it. This is going to be the semester of open heart surgery. Last semester was physical surgery and this one is on my heart. So please do me a favor and don’t ask me about boys, don’t tease me about him, don’t tease him about me, all you are doing is hurting both of us ( well at least i think so)
Now with all that being said im not going to sit here and say I will never date so and so cause that’s putting a limit on God and he’s super but for the next 6 months i need everyone to help me out and not mention it for awhile ok?