What I Do Wednesdays- Not Real Estate Addition

I’ve been procrastinating writing my “what I do Wednesdays post this week. Partly because the answer is not much and partly because I’m embarrassed and still very much in my head about most of it. I spent hours reapplying for disability because I’m a procrastinator (thanks Mom) and too late to appeal, went to dog park a few times, went to the grocery store, and the rest of the time I’ve just been trying to stay cool (if you are in Texas and rolling your eyes because you know it’s only 85 up here and 110 there, just remember heat intolerance).

This weekend we went to go visit my BFF and her family at their new place in the PNW. I’m always so refreshed after seeing her! Besides my family, she’s one of the people who knew me way back when( 5th grade) when I was healthy, fun, and before the cloud of depression fogged up my life. The best part about her and her husband is that they let me dream and dream big. They run their own businesses and work hard so they can live life on their terms. They’re always encouraging of my own adventures and want me to do the same.

Real estate had been on my mind a bunch in the past 6 months. I need a way to make money, from home or an office but not have people rely on me. Because of my health, I never know how I’m going to feel each day and it can change so quickly and decided real estate was the way to go. So after some tax money came into my life I spoke with Steven and came up with a plan. I knew we were visiting them soon so in true best friend fashion I spent the weekend picking her brain about what she thought and if I could do it! I daydreamed, giggled, and we talked about ideas for the future. As always she was 100% supportive and just told me to do what I love! Steven said the same thing!

Perfect I thought! I was ready to start school, I snappchatted my friends, & I even got a planner! A weekend with her was just what I needed to get myself in gear! Of course, I’m fast forwarding through all of the parts about me talking to a few companies, researching tons of schools, reading a few books, articles and YouTube videos. I had this great plan to wait and not tell my family until was finished and had my license! Surprise! I did something with my life! Being the only one in the family without a degree I put a lot of my pressure on myself to impress them. So Sarah Carpenter Realtor was going to make them proud

But…..

I seriously could not bring myself to punch in my credit card information. I’d been thinking about this for a while and praying hard so surely this was what I was supposed to do, it had to be God’s answer to our prayers about finances and what I’m doing with my life.

But no, I kept getting sick to my stomach.

I waited until Steven got home and proceeded to pour my heart out about how I was feeling and what I should do. Was this really what I “loved” or did I just love the idea of being financially stable and contributing to the world? What do I even love besides my dog, traveling, and food? Was being a Real Estate Agent really they only way to obtain those things?
I finally realized and agreed that my mom was right and I really do have ZERO interest in real estate besides wanting a home and wanting to be the Property Brothers. I should focus on trying to find something that I enjoy doing even if I can only make $1 a month.

That’s the thing. What makes me happy? What do I enjoy? I’ve always struggled with what I wanted to be or do! I’ve wanted to be:

On Broadway
A veterinarian with a specialty in Poultry
An Ag teacher who volunteered with musicals
Worship Leader
Plus size model
Pallet sign maker
Phone screener on the Bobby Bones Show
Writer
Psychologist
Boss lady at an emergency clinic
……
The list goes on.

I’ve realized in the process of writing this blog post today, that I just want to be okay. While I would enjoy doing any of those things they aren’t in the cards right now. All I need to focus on right now is being the best daughter, girlfriend, sister, friend, “Aunt” Sarah, and dog Mom I can be.

So thanks for tuning into another “What I Do Wednesdays” guess it’s not real estate edition!

WHAT I DO WEDNESDAYS

“We all go back to work tomorrow” someone recently said, “all but Sarah”
I was surprised at how much this statement really got to me even though I know no harm was meant by it. It’s been well over a year since I stopped working, with the exception of the month I went back, but then ended up in the hospital again. Why am I still bothered by comments like this? Why do I still feel the need to defend myself or what I do all day?

My fear is similar to most people I’ve talked to: that people just think we’re lazy. Many people I’ve spoken with since I started this journey really are full-time patients. I loathe the question of “what did you do today?” because my gut reaction is to say “I tried to stay alive and not cry.” Let me tell you, people don’t like that answer. Sometimes the truth is hard to handle, especially those who don’t have a foot in this “world” of chronic pain and illness. So instead I usually go with something positive like “I got out of bed” I drove UberEats” I took the dog to the dog park” I leave out the rest. All the ugly parts about not showering, crying in the car at the dog park because I just don’t have the strength to walk all the way up there, the days I don’t actually get sonic there and use my walker to make it halfway around the block, or the fact that I don’t ever think I’ll be able to get the dishes and laundry all done at the same time or even in the same week.

I’ve been thinking about how I can do my part in changing the narrative for those spoonies like me. I don’t want to keep feeling ashamed or guilty when it comes to my health and lack of work. I want to start being 100% honest about what I do each day. So I’m going to try to start a new blog series called “What I Do Wednesdays!” Every few Wednesdays I’ll post exactly what I did for a few days that week.  

Monday, July 9th
8:30               Got out of bed, fed dog and put on clothes, vacuumed straightened up and started webinar on social media & graphics 
10:00            Took Sonic to the Dog Park- only lasted 30 mins
11is-1ish     Drove for UberEats and went to grocery store. Walked, didn’t use the cart.
2ish-5:30    Took a nap
7ish                Cooked dinner put up dinner, walked halfway around the block with Steven and Sonic. At this point in the day, I was                                     done, exhausted, going to the store alone is one of the hardest and most painful things I can do
10 ish            Went to bed

Tuesday, July 10th
10:30          Woke up after a bad painsomnia night, finished webinar
11- 1ish     Drove for UberEats
2ish             Got in bed to rest and read and fell asleep
5:45            Woke up and started cleaning the kitchen
6:30            Got in the bathtub. Hot water, essential oils, & Epson salt with an ice pack on neck and fan blowing in bathroom
7:40            Finished cooking dinner
8-10           TV, Blog, social media, and wind down
10ish          Bed

Do any of you struggle with this too?
Join me and create your own What I do Wednesday and link it here!!