Lately I’ve found my self hoping, wishing and praying for a magical light switch. One that could turn off my emotions, make me a runner, even help me fall out of love. I know that this light switch is an imaginary combination of time and hard work. Both things I struggle with.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder… personally I think it just makes it hurt worse. Absence just stinks. I’ve tried to do everything possible to keep my mind off of things but it just isn’t working this week. My heart it just all sorts of jumbled. I’m one of those I’m happy if your happy kind of people so I guess I’ll just keep praying about happiness. Ive found myself praying the “if its not Your will please take it away painlessly, please” a silly prayer that usually ends in pain and gut wrenching torture. The last time I prayed that I came kicking and screaming home from Australia…
I’m sick of people thinking I’m losing weight for said person that I miss so much….. I’m not. … sure sometimes its easier to keep going or get up with the thought of looking like a better version of myself but that’s not why I’m doing it. If you don’t loose weight for yourself it will never stay off.
I know lately all I’ve done on here is gripe. I’m trying so hard to be a responsible adult but lately I feel like I’ve been kicked while I’m down, especially in the job/money world. I desperately need another job and have been searching like crazy the past few days. Whenever I say something about two jobs most of the people I’m around keep telling me the whole I worked two jobs for my children ect. I found myself saying well if I had kids I’m sure I’d have more motivation but student loans.. no thanks. When I was 18 I didn’t think I’d be 25 and trying to get a second job to help pay for my LACK of degree. Sure I have wonderful life experience but that doesn’t help me much in the real world.
God has allowed me to go so many places and do so many things in life I should be thankful for what I have and realize that each day is a gift. Even if I don’t have the guy I love (yet), my own place, a college degree, and more airline rewards points, “I still have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship”
Did I mention that the scale says I’ve lost 20 lbs today!!! 20, I’ve been so wrapped up in my emotions and junk I couldn’t even be happy for myself …. Its taken me a good 6 hours to even mention it on facebook for fear that its not noticeable or something of that matter… you should notice 20 lbs right?