Back in the pit

Back in the pit….

Ketamine allowed me to have a wonderful spring, followed by a crazy summer. We’ve moved into the travel trailer in a camping club which is surprisingly fun and feels like home. I started singing again and even joined a choir. I was able to have a great visit from my Papa followed by a trip from my Dad. I focused most of my time on doing the work for bariatric surgery, which for me looked like nutritional counseling every other week and loosing 10% of my weight. I found a therapist I love and have made big strides in dealing with being permanently ill, we’ve also been working on the relationships effected by my depression.

A few days after Dad left I had my disability trial. To be honest I didn’t realize how stressful this day would be. It determines the rest of my and also Steven’s life. Our future was in a strangers hands and finally after two years of waiting and appeals, it was here.

I woke up the next day back in my pit. The familiar feel of my little black rain cloud was there, torture yet somehow comforting….. I e spent most of the past 10 years here. My skin on fire and the overwhelming pain I feel in my bones reminding me that life is different and I was not back to “normal”

Damn. A flare. This will pass, just stress, just the after effects of the events of the summer.

In the matter of two weeks, 6 months of hard work unraveled. Just like that.

Depression is no joke.

So here we are go again…. crawling slowly back out of the pit.

One thought on “Back in the pit

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