Back in the pit

Back in the pit….

Ketamine allowed me to have a wonderful spring, followed by a crazy summer. We’ve moved into the travel trailer in a camping club which is surprisingly fun and feels like home. I started singing again and even joined a choir. I was able to have a great visit from my Papa followed by a trip from my Dad. I focused most of my time on doing the work for bariatric surgery, which for me looked like nutritional counseling every other week and loosing 10% of my weight. I found a therapist I love and have made big strides in dealing with being permanently ill, we’ve also been working on the relationships effected by my depression.

A few days after Dad left I had my disability trial. To be honest I didn’t realize how stressful this day would be. It determines the rest of my and also Steven’s life. Our future was in a strangers hands and finally after two years of waiting and appeals, it was here.

I woke up the next day back in my pit. The familiar feel of my little black rain cloud was there, torture yet somehow comforting….. I e spent most of the past 10 years here. My skin on fire and the overwhelming pain I feel in my bones reminding me that life is different and I was not back to “normal”

Damn. A flare. This will pass, just stress, just the after effects of the events of the summer.

In the matter of two weeks, 6 months of hard work unraveled. Just like that.

Depression is no joke.

So here we are go again…. crawling slowly back out of the pit.

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