“I’m worn even before the day begins”

As some of you know I am a struggling. I’ve been told (by different people) that my facebook and blog post were “too depressing”, and that no one wants to read that “crap” anyways so I haven’t been blogging publicly my feelings and struggles lately. I said something to someone the other day that was out of the ordinary for me but it has some truth: ” I can only be me” so this is me being me……. struggling……hungry…. and worn.

I’ve never been a writer, most likely never will be. If I were to put into words exactly how I feel right now it would be this song  Worn- Tenth Avenue North ( maybe their whole new album)
I was going to ask a friend to help me record it, maybe because I was thinking it might make more of a difference coming from my mouth, plus Christmas is coming and my mom would flip 🙂 but that takes effort and I’m not the most confident in my voice at the moment so this will do…

I have no job, no car, no money, lost one of my best friends for the next few years ,and as always my emotions and health are out of control. I’ve had tons of interviews and by tons I mean about 7 now and I’m just like crap someone let me work. I’m not even being picky. We’ve been talking about Spiritual Warfare in bible study and also in relation to the new church plant ( COMING SOON!!! YAYers). While I know this is just a season (a frequent one like the dust storms in Snyder), its not making it any easier when I’m walking from bus to bus trying to get to interview with enough time and washrags in my purse to stop sweating and not look like a wet rat when I get there. Don’t get me wrong- I know I’m so blessed and have it 10x better than most at my lowest.
I keep thinking back to James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers when you face trials of many kinds… because you know that the testing of your Faith produces perseverance, Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Contrary to popular belief I have memorized some scripture though it will most likely always be in the same category as me learning  piano and monkey bars- next to impossible
 Its comforting to think that maybe one day I will be matureas in have my crap together.

In other news I’ve lost 7 lbs in the past week or so. I’d like to say it all because of my awesome workouts but I’m thinking its the dollar store diet and the fact that Austin buses are so spread out its nuts.






I’m tired
I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I’m too week
Life just won’t let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I’m worn even before the day begins
I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn so heaven so come and fluid my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

** Contrary to popular belief I have memorized scripture though it will most likely always be in the same category as me learning  piano and monkey bars- next to impossible

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