Our bible study was going through a book called “Love Notes.” The author wrote letters to his wife before he met her and now he has a book…..
I’ve been challenged throughout my life to write my future husband (if I have one) by my mom, friends, books and more. I do it more than you’d think, So tonight I decided to share.
I’m currently sitting in chilis alone. An hour ago I was wailing in my bathroom floor for no real reason besides me having a bad day, sick of being alone, and the fact that I lost that tight grip I’ve had on my emotions lately. I also caught a glimpse of my ugly cry face in the mirror and that’s just not healthy. As you’ve read so many times before I pray you never see that side of me. The crazy warewolf side who is always on edge and out of control. Sadly if your reading this you will know that this is not a dream that will come true.
I have a big drs appointment tomorrow. Nothing that life altering but, my current blood pressure issues are much worse than I’d like to think. The stress of trying to keep my anxiety and stress down while completely changing the way I eat and live is exhausting. I have a feeling this is why I’ve been so crazy, and beyond lonely this week. Complete fear. Maybe that’s why I’m in a restaurant alone writing you at the moment, I can’t get much more pathetic.
I did however loose 7 lbs, get a spray tan and go to Brandon’s wedding alone this week so that deserves something.
In less depression news. I’m singing a really hard/High song on Sunday. By now you have most likely heard my range from the good, the bad and ugly but you know how hard it is for me. I’m just so excited that by letting go of some inhibitions God is allowing me to grow in my gift. I’m still not sure is I believe “correctly” about woman worship leaders but I’m reading a book that is really helpful. Christy Knockles has written come of it and we all know how much I loooove her. As long as I pretend I’m singing in the car to God I think I might just be okay. Once upon a time I wished that my voice was what you fell in love with long before me. Is that weird.
Yeah I thought so too.
Did you ever had bad days like this?Weeks? Years? Did you ever eat alone and wonder what it would be like not to have to. ( Sundays are my worst) To always have someone to come home to? To sing with? To travel with? To laugh and cry with?
Or in my case cry and cry with.
I can feel God pursuing me for something greater yet somehow I keep pushing Him away. I hope I don’t do the same with you….. How can I allow a man to pursue me when I have a hard time with my Creator loving me and showing me He cares. I mean God is the one who created my ugly cry. He sees it way more than most.
Of course you have never ever seen that ugly cry face, cause I’m Sarah and I have my emotions under control.
Except for tonight, yesterday, the day before that, and most likely tomorrow.
I’m so ready to meet you, or if I already know you… Well you know what I mean.
I never know how to end these.
By now you know I’m a total goofball though so