In October thanks to Prednisone, I kept too many of my emotions to myself and landed myself in some trouble mentally. Now that I’m on it Pred again (8 more days) I’m trying not to let that happen so I’m going to try to just be real.
This is hard. It’s been refreshing to me to see people open up about their fears and concerns throughout all this. Makes me not feel so lonely. We can not go at it alone. We must ask for help! But what does help look like during this time? I have no idea.
My community is doing a wonderful job of making sure the elderly and sick here are taken care of. It’s nice to know we live in a place like this. I’ve typed a deleted a post to them multiple times in the past few days begging for chocolate. I don’t need toliet paper or canned food yet, im just going insane on these meds and want to eat chocolate without infecting anyone. Have any of y’all taken these steroids?!?? The cravings are real!
Mentally I’m emotional but relatively stable all things considered, I cried myself to sleep last night because Steven let me know the sunshine was being traded for rain. Depression is hard enough but when you add in the rain it just gets worse.
My lungs hurt, cough, can’t walk without huffing and puffing. The high 102 fevers, chills and such were pretty rough too. This isn’t just a flu….. Sometimes on good days I forget I’m chronically ill. Forgetting that my immune system is crap and knowing that I have no way to fight anything. This ordeal has made me realize that I need to take major precautions during normal times too, I’ve had the flu twice this year and fought to beat that. I need to refrain from seeing people who are ill, & from being so excited to leave the house for a trip to the store in the middle of flu season. I have a friend who says “I’d love to see you but my kids had a fever last night” she gives me a choice! I wish more people would give me a choice, I guess that should start with me.
I’ve been trying to refrain from social media posts of people willy nilling around…… Ive wanted to say things like “jokes on you when you get a fever of 102.” “You won’t be laughing when your hypoxic” and such, but that doesn’t do anyone any good. Mom keeps reminding me that the south is a few weeks behind and there isn’t really anything I can do to make people understand how bad it is up here or how sick I am.
So I sit here, crying for chocolate, ready my therapy handouts and taking the medicine to “save my lung” and keep me out of the hospital (my team of drs agreed that’s the worse place for me having immunodeficiency). I take the meds knowing each day I can breath a little better, and am so thankful that it’s working even if things get darker for a bit.
I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers!