This winter…

The snow is still falling here in the South Puget sound area. It started Friday and should continue throughout the week. I’m curled up on the couch with Sonic just looking out the window, I’ve been here or asleep most of the day. My pain levels are high and I had to make dinner from my walker. But, Y’all!!!! I felt joy and happiness this weekend.

Again.

I’ve actually felt it quite a few times since starting Ketamine infusions in November, each time noticing more and more. Sometimes my brain is like hey girl, you’re happy right now, my anxiety immediately second guesses everything! (it also reminds me how much feeling costs each month) With therapy, I’m learning how to work through it and be in the moment, to experience the happy and not worry it away. Two different mental health professionals talked about how hard it is to feel again after years of being numbed up from depression or medications with me this week.

Each year winter reminds me of the anniversary of my life changing. It kind of hangs over my head and the timehop app or social media memories, give me a play by play of losing what used to be my “normal” life and my health.

This winter will be different though, next year I’ll be able to say this winter was the one in which my black rain cloud parted for a while. The sun came out and I saw in colors again. I got to experience life a little bit. Even if the Ketamine infusions stop working or my physical health gets worse I’ll still have the memories from this winter.

Obligatory snow photos

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