“We all go back to work tomorrow” someone recently said, “all but Sarah”
I was surprised at how much this statement really got to me even though I know no harm was meant by it. It’s been well over a year since I stopped working, with the exception of the month I went back, but then ended up in the hospital again. Why am I still bothered by comments like this? Why do I still feel the need to defend myself or what I do all day?
My fear is similar to most people I’ve talked to: that people just think we’re lazy. Many people I’ve spoken with since I started this journey really are full-time patients. I loathe the question of “what did you do today?” because my gut reaction is to say “I tried to stay alive and not cry.” Let me tell you, people don’t like that answer. Sometimes the truth is hard to handle, especially those who don’t have a foot in this “world” of chronic pain and illness. So instead I usually go with something positive like “I got out of bed” I drove UberEats” I took the dog to the dog park” I leave out the rest. All the ugly parts about not showering, crying in the car at the dog park because I just don’t have the strength to walk all the way up there, the days I don’t actually get sonic there and use my walker to make it halfway around the block, or the fact that I don’t ever think I’ll be able to get the dishes and laundry all done at the same time or even in the same week.
I’ve been thinking about how I can do my part in changing the narrative for those spoonies like me. I don’t want to keep feeling ashamed or guilty when it comes to my health and lack of work. I want to start being 100% honest about what I do each day. So I’m going to try to start a new blog series called “What I Do Wednesdays!” Every few Wednesdays I’ll post exactly what I did for a few days that week.
Monday, July 9th
8:30 Got out of bed, fed dog and put on clothes, vacuumed straightened up and started webinar on social media & graphics
10:00 Took Sonic to the Dog Park- only lasted 30 mins
11is-1ish Drove for UberEats and went to grocery store. Walked, didn’t use the cart.
2ish-5:30 Took a nap
7ish Cooked dinner put up dinner, walked halfway around the block with Steven and Sonic. At this point in the day, I was done, exhausted, going to the store alone is one of the hardest and most painful things I can do
10 ish Went to bed
Tuesday, July 10th
10:30 Woke up after a bad painsomnia night, finished webinar
11- 1ish Drove for UberEats
2ish Got in bed to rest and read and fell asleep
5:45 Woke up and started cleaning the kitchen
6:30 Got in the bathtub. Hot water, essential oils, & Epson salt with an ice pack on neck and fan blowing in bathroom
7:40 Finished cooking dinner
8-10 TV, Blog, social media, and wind down
Do any of you struggle with this too?
Join me and create your own What I do Wednesday and link it here!!