Everyone keeps telling me to :get out more”. I made another attempt last night and met some friends at Reds Porch. I love that place and feel super comfortable there. I had a blast, maybe my “fake it till I make it” interview mindset carried over through dinner and after dinner fun. It was nice to just sit around, talk and laugh. I don’t laugh much anymore.
I felt so normal and had so much fun I decided to grow a pair and go by myself….. Big mistake.
I spend so much time worrying about other people; I rarely do what I want to do because no one wants to do it with me. Everyone keeps telling me to get out and go do stuff then cant or won’t go with me. I am a grown a$$ woman and can go do what I want right?
I took a shower, fixed my hair and makeup and put on decent clean clothes- If you know much about my depression then you know that those are huge accomplishments for me right now. I put a fake smile on my face and marched my happy rear end half a mile down the road. I went in and said can I sit upstairs. I ordered a Dr pepper and queso and just sat. now I know some of you at this moment are thinking she is broke and has no business eating out, your right I don’t… It was so pretty. The sky is overcast and its cool, for a moment I closed my eyes and remembered sitting on my balcony in Sydney feeling the same way.
The table next to me had two little blond boys and their parents. Shortly after my food I hear the youngest one say. “Mommy is that lady sad or in time out” I could only laugh to myself and silently agree with him. I must have looked like a fool. I feel so sorry for people when I see them eating alone in restaurants . I guess for some it’s no different than me loving to go to a movie by myself.
I finished my snack and then felt the tears swelling so I decided to head home and give myself an A for Effort
I’m proud of myself for going. I’m slowly realizing what seems like baby steps to some are giant leaps for me.
Did I mention I walked 5 miles today? Half marathon here I come.