I feel like I’ve been under a rock this weekend. I was doggy sitting precious Hadley for my friend Jade so I wasn’t near my computer or Ipod! Goodness I didn’t realize how much of an Internet addict I am!
I had just a blah down week last week and was looking so forward to Church. My friend Leta was feeling the same way to so we chalked it up to just Satan getting us down. Which meant maybe God has something awesome in store for us! Church started out great and I was rocking some awesome hair. Leta who thought she was going to be late made it on time and we were ready to Worship.
Then I heard it.
Something I fear.
The lady behind me turned to someone after moving and said ” I just can’t see around her” I immediately started my “don’t cry” “she meant above you” you’re super tall’ “DO NOT CRY IN CHURCH SARAH” I was slowing shrinking and trying not to get up and leave. I know I’m big and that people can’t see around me. On a high school trip in New York I had a teacher use me as a Wind Break most of the week.
but shouldn’t you be able to go to church and not feel ashamed, judged, or out of place with how you look. Shouldn’t you just be safe in the Lords house.
I love the back because I don’t have to deal with so many people, plus theres room! But with the back comes distractions so Leta have found us a happy little third row side compromise thing. Its so hard being the new kid in church. I’m thankful to have a friend in Leta and us to navigate our way through a new experience together, but this almost made me run. Run home to my bed and a bag of potato chips.
I know that I’m overreacting and shouldn’t have read into her comment but it was within earshot and just stung. I’m trying so hard to become healthier and happier but goodness I felt like that set me back so far. Why can’t I just trust God with my body and health. Am I calling God a liar when I look in the mirror and say “woah I look like a fat cow”. The Bible says I’m made in His image, beautiful and wonderfully made infact.
Why can’t I just let go and let God help me. I’ve always said HE will help me when time to lose weight and HE is so why am I so upset because someone at church can’t see “around me”
Luckily we started singing The Stand which is an immediate lose Sarah in Worship song!
The message was great and just what I needed to hear!
An akward incident at lunch made me realize that yes I am new but I have to treat people the way I want to be treated. If I want friends I can make them. I can invite people to lunch. I can have parties and invite poeple. I can seek out people hiding in the corner. I can make sure that no one feels the way we did on Sunday. I can pray that God opens our eyes to situations that we can be used in. That God would open doors and opportunities for Leta and I to serve and become involved and meet more people. To be a light to an odd ball just looking for some comfort from the Lord. Austin is a lonely place sometimes and I can’t just be the
poor fat girl in the corner, sad because the cool kids didn’t talk to me I’m not 13 anymore…. I can be a leader, I can use the strengths that the Lord has given me to encourage and love on others. So can Leta and together we could see some awesomeness. Satan wanted Sunday to be awful for us. He wanted us to leave and not come back…. I thought about it for awhile even. Thought okay time to find another church but NO. I like my new home and I’m not going to let mindless comments and oblivious people stop me from serving the Lord.